Dear Vincentian Families,
 
I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself;  my name is Ms. Iris Magallanes, School Counselor at St. Vincent School for over ten years.  I hope that you, your loved ones and your family are safe and healthy through this difficult and uncertain time.  I would like to continue being a resource for your child throughout the school year. 

Families across the country are adapting to the evolving changes in daily life caused by the COVID-19 pandemic.  Therefore, adjusting to life changes and challenges is often accompanied with elevated stress and worry, for the past several weeks I have been providing several resources so that you can best support your child during this time.
 
I completely understand that being with your child(ren) at home 24/7 perhaps has been challenging.  In addition to fear of the unknown and uncertainty over how long we’ll have to resort to limiting our daily lives.  However, it is extremely important to know that we are all in this together.  It’s comforting to know that there are still priceless moments that empower us and provide us with strength resilience.
 
The way children respond to stress looks different from adults and is dependent on many factors including a child’s temperament, available coping skills, and life experiences.  If you have noticed these behaviors in your children over the past few days or weeks, this could be a sign they are experiencing an increase in stress, fear, or anxiety like so many of us are.  None of this is easy, but it helps to stay focused on what is possible in order to reinforce a sense of control and to reassure children that they are okay, and that the situation will get better.
 
The following tips can help you take care of yourself, be a strong role model for your children, and support your family through this challenging time…

• MONITOR TELEVISION VIEWING AND SOCIAL MEDIA:   Monitor television, internet, and social media viewing.  Watching continual updates on COVID-19 may increase fear and anxiety in your children.  Developmentally inappropriate information, or information designed for adults, can also cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in children.
• Be aware of how you talk about COVID-19/Talk about the facts:  If true, remind your children that your family is healthy, and you are going to do everything within your power to keep loved ones safe and well.  Carefully listen or have them draw or write out their thoughts and feelings and respond with truth and reassurance.
• Let your child's questions guide you. Answer their questions truthfully, don't avoid giving them the information that experts indicate as crucial to your children's well-being.  Often, children and youth do not talk about their concerns because they are confused or don't want to worry loved ones.
• Talk about feelings:  It is also important to talk to your child about how they are doing emotionally.  Check in with them regularly about how they are feeling and give them space to share their emotions.
• Listen to your child’s Concerns: Take time to address your child’s questions and concerns.  Help them work through the emotions that they’re feeling.  Acknowledge and validate their feelings without being too quick to distract them or try to shield them from their emotions.
• If your child struggles to name what she/he is feeling, help her/him label the emotion (i.e., anxious, sad, nervous, worried, or scared).  Putting a name to the feeling makes it less overwhelming and easier to manage.

If your child struggles to name what she/he is feeling, help her/him label the emotion (i.e., anxious, sad, nervous, worried, or scared).  Putting a  name to the feeling makes it less overwhelming and easier to manage.

• Focus on the Positive:  Celebrate having more time to spend as a family.  Make it as fun as possible.  Do family projects, organize belongings, sing, laugh, and go outside, if possible connect with nature and get needed exercise.
• Stay Organized: While it is going to take some time to adjust to this new “normal,” establishing a daily routine is one way to help you and your children make the transition to full-time life at home. Having a daily schedule can help to provide a sense of safety for children during times of uncertainty and can help to reduce their anxiety.  Keeping the house clean and organized may also help reduce stress and make your home feel more inviting.  You can involve your kids in this process as a part of your daily routine.
• Establish and Maintain a Daily Routine:  Keeping a regular schedule provides a sense of control, predictability, calm, and well-being.  It also helps children and other family members respect others’ need for quiet or uninterrupted time and when they can connect with friends virtually.
• Identify projects that might help others: This could include: writing letters to the neighbors or others who might be stuck at home alone or to healthcare workers; sending positive messages over social media; or reading a favorite children’s book on a social media platform for younger children to hear.
• Stay Present:  The ability to stay present may be one of the most effective tools you can use to get through this difficult period.  Try to use this time as an opportunity to live in the moment and be truly present with your family. 
• Stay Connected:  It is important for you and your family not only to take this time to connect with each other but also with friends and family who you are no longer seeing. Make time to talk with friends or family each day over the phone or video chat with them via FaceTime or Zoom.  You can encourage your kids to do the same, socializing with friends is an important part of their development and for parents their social connections are a valuable source of strength and support.  Keeping these outside connections are important for everyone in the family.
• Demonstrate deep breathing. Deep breathing is a valuable tool for calming the nervous system.  Do breathing exercises with your children.

Practice Self-Compassion:  Perhaps the most valuable thing you can do for yourself and your family at this time is to practice  self-compassion.  Self-compassion has three components: 

1. Self-kindness, or refraining from self-criticism.
2. Recognizing our common humanity, the fact that all people are imperfect and experience pain.
3. Being mindful of our thoughts and feelings.
4. Offer lots of love and affection
5. Be a Role Model - Children will react to and follow your reactions.  They learn from your example.

STAY CONNECTED TO SCHOOL

• Stay in touch. Find out how the school is communicating with families and students.  Be sure to read any communications you receive.  Check with you child, particularly older ones, as they may be receiving information directly that would be helpful for you to know.
• Connect with school staff.  Reach out to your child’s teacher and other relevant school staff if you have concerns about their coping and keeping up with assignments or activities. 

 
BE AWARE OF YOUR CHILDREN’S MENTAL HEALTH
Most children will manage well with the support of parents and other family members, even if showing signs of some anxiety or concerns, such as difficulty sleeping or concentrating.  Some children, however, may have risk factors for more intense reactions, including severe anxiety, and depression.  Risk factors can include a pre-existing mental health problem, prior traumatic experiences or abuse or the loss of a loved one.

The good news is: CHILDREN are RESILIENT! By taking care of yourself, practicing self-compassion, and communicating with your children, you will be modeling and teaching them effective and healthy ways to cope with and overcome this challenging time and any future challenges they may face.

Warmest Regards,
Sending you positive energy, let it circulate!

Iris Magallanes, MS
School Based Counselor